http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/W6DNAH5-Sfo/road-beef-spreads-love-disease-in-england

Hi there, UK readers. I see you there, making up 0.54% of our visitors. Since you're the only ones awake and reading this right now, hopefully you'll heed this warning: I wouldn't sleep with any Premiership players for a while.

Keep in mind this is being reported by something called People.co.uk, which bears no connection to the American People Magazine that at least attempts to be taken seriously. But supposedly six Premier League stars all slept with the same groupie, and said groupie just tested positive for HIV.

She told the players, who are now awaiting their test results. Says a nebulous source:

All of them are beside themselves with worry. They are all only too aware of the scandal it will cause. None of them have let their families know yet because they don't want to worry them. It's like a ticking timebomb for them all and would almost certainly end their careers if they have contracted it."

The six players play for three different teams, and the woman isn't sure if she contracted the disease before or after (or during) sleeping with the players. Lots of unanswered questions here, but we'll be hearing more about this shortly, I'd imagine.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/dOOWtaHW45U/all+star-economics-and-the-nls-futility

This year's All-Stars are the biggest collection of stars in one place, but surprisingly, they're not the most expensive. And for one league, they might not even be good enough to compete with a real team.

You know how every year, someone (usually Jayson Stark) puts together their budget all-star team, consisting of quality players for not much cash? The average salary for this year's all-stars is $7,404,184, a shockingly low number when you remember how much your favorite team paid (or was unable to pay) to keep your superstar. In fact, that's nearly half a million less than the average salary for the Yankees' 25-man roster.

But how would a game between them shake out? To that end, I turned to WhatIfSports, whose ridiculously addictive game simulator let me match up the Yankees against both leagues' best. Of note: since the 2009 stats aren't in the sim engine yet, I had to go with the 2008 versions of all players, so you'll be getting the feelgood version of Josh Hamilton, and the pre-suspicion Raul Ibanez. Also, since A's rookie Andrew Bailey wasn't in the system, I replaced him with the immortal Abraham Lincoln "Sweetbreads" Bailey, he of the 1920s Chicago Cubs(not like I have to tell you).

Here's the box score for the Yankees vs. the American League. As you can see, the AL handled them, er, handily. Sweetbreads Bailey got the win, and is off celebrating with a gin fizz and a long night of flagpole sitting.

But when we match up the NL against the Yanks, Alex Rodriguez' 3-run homer gives New York the win. Ryan Franklin and Francisco Cordero got knocked around, proving the three immutable rules of the all-star game:

1) Letting fans vote for their hometown players is the world's worst idea, save for
2) The awful rule requiring every team to send a rep;
3) The NL is awful. It's quantifiable by computers.

http://www.75orLess.com/?/archive/2009/07/various_artists_29.php

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/X43D4ekEOJU/its-the-obama-all+star-game-sponsored-by-taco-bell

No tie, no 15-inning thriller this year. Instead this year's All-Star Game will be remembered for one thing: It's All About The Roosevelts, Babay.

The sure-to-be song of the summer, disguised as the LONGEST TACO BELL COMMERCIAL EVER, had burrowed its way into my brain, forcing out fractions, and any possible memories of the shortest (2:31) ASG in 21 years. But I'll try to piece things together in this 4-3 AL win.

First, the pregame lead-up. Two of the Red Sox partied down with a bevy of Playboy models. (Link possibly NSFW, but who cares? You're not reading Deadspin at work, for once!) In the annual mascot relay, Stomper blatantly cheated to give his team the early lead, while Mr. Redlegs committed second-degree assault on Fredbird. And if naked women and furries don't get your motor running, Tim Lincecum promised to "have Matt Cain put a leash around my neck and keep me in my room."

And, of course, the Home Run Derby won by Prince Fielder, which ESPN decided to commemorate with a vaguely inappropriate headline.

The game itself kicked off with controversy. The smart money was on Obama actually getting the ball over the plate with the ceremonial first pitch, but thanks to FOX's terrible camerawork (or a deep-seated conspiracy that reaches the highest echelons of government) viewers were left in the dark. Here, photographic proof that Pujols caught it on the fly—after moving up to catch the 58-foot slider.

The game itself was more notable for technical glitches than play on the field. Please note that neither of these gentlemen are Ryan Braun or Ben Zobrist.

And please note that Groundskeeper Willie is now working for ESPN.com. (H/T: readers Chris and Steve)

Since we're pretending this is a real sporting event that matters, here are your talking points for tomorrow:

Heroes:
Carl Crawford, for saving Papelbon's ass and winning MVP.
Curtis Granderson's game-changing triple.
Mariano Rivera's kid, for spitting on Derek Jeter.

Goats:
Albert Pujols' key error.
Ryan Howard for not hitting a 500-ft HR like the script called for.

Outcome: One less World Series game at Chávez Ravine.

Legacy:

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/OmPtz5vs-cc/oddsmakers-like-obamas-chances-of-not-humiliating-himself-tonight

Bodog is taking prop bets on whether the president will bounce his first pitch at the All-Star Game and thus send his country spiraling into a Depression or something. At present, the moneyline's liking Obama's arm:

Also: Obama supposedly will be in the Fox booth at some point between the third and fifth innings. You know what this means, don't you? What it means is this: Tonight, an American president becomes Joe Buck and Tim McCarver's lucky Pierre. I can't wait.

Barry Petchesky will be around tonight to chronicle Bud Selig's neat little scrimmage. Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Keats and Yeats are on your side.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/5GHApevfk7I/no-wonder-why-he-added-the-extra-t

"Proof that this list is not just for women, Josh Elliott is a co-anchor of ESPN's SportsCenter. But, if you drop one of the t's, you can easily come across the well-endowed star of "Mating Season."[Mediaite]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/y3J_47Nm5u0/groupie-expert-lets-people-know-why-steve-mcnair-was-killed

The Daily Beast explores the unseemly rules of sports mistressing, ones that Sahel Kazemi or Steve McNair blatantly ignored. If only they'd played within these imaginary, inhuman guidelines for their affair, both would be alive today.

Author Lisa DePaulo, who also chronicled the short-skirted hoochiedom of NBA groupies for GQ, reveals that once news of McNair's death-by-mistress story broke she instantly knew that the 20-year-old violated the tramp laws. So she summoned Brenda Thomas, her groupie expert source from the GQ piece, to spell-out where both Kazemi and McNair screwed up. Here's what this person had to say:

On Falling In Love: "You don't fall in love, okay? And you don't let them know you're in love with them. Because then they begin to push back, they know at that point, you're gonna be needy, you're gonna want them to leave the wife… They want something that's stress free. They don't want nobody saying, ‘Where you going?' Cause they can get that at home."

On Buying Trucks For Your Mistress:"You don't buy a truck, with the girl, in both of your names. And you send somebody else to pick up the girl from the police station after she gets arrested for drunk driving. You don't do that all stuff."

Kazemi Should Have Had The Good Sense To Eschew Birth Control:"If she played by the rules, she would have just gotten knocked up. And then she would have had child support payments for life. But she got in too deep. I mean, thank God that other women that she followed, she didn't knock her off too! "

Dummy. Now of course the Jezebel ladies had a field day with this piece, but the Daily Beast had a horrified male commenter who was even more screechy and appalled:

I guess Lisa's telling the truth. Makes me sad though. 80-90% of pro athletes cheat. OMG!? As the father of two daughters, I wonder what makes women think this horrible self-distructive behavior is a good thing. I used to be jealous of men who attracted sexy women. Now I just feel dirty knowing the 'rules' exist.

$100 says that guy's wife is cheating on him with a professional athlete.

The Secret Code Of Sports Mistresses [The Daily Beast]

http://idolator.com/5253772/tori-amos-gives-britney-spears-a-sign

http://idolator.com/?p=5253772

Last night in Oakland, Tori Amos covered Britney Spears’ “…Baby One More Time,” prefacing her version of the gigantic pop hit with an explanation that a fairy had told her to take on the track during that night’s show. (Perhaps the fairy was really excited by the news that Spears was in the studio with “…Baby” scribe Max Martin earlier this week?) Amos is just one of many musicians who’ve been compelled to put their own spin on “…Baby” in the decade since its release, probably because the one-two-three punch of the song’s minor-key pathos, Spears’ trapped-canary narrative, and the track’s pop perfection is too much to resist. Amos’ cover, the original, and a few other versions considered after the jump.


Britney Spears

The original. But is it the best? Let’s find out.


Tori Amos

Wrenching and minimalist, much like her take on “Smells Like Teen Spirit” all those years ago. I only wish she’d included the bridge, because who among us hasn’t punched their fist in the air during the part when Britney drags out the “Don’t you know… I… Still… Be-lieve!” bit?


Travis

One of the Dueling Slow Versions Of This Song By Modern-Rock Radio B-Listers that caused many a message-board fight during the early portion of this decade. It’s aight.


Fountains Of Wayne

A little shaggier than Travis’ take—and for that reason, I would always side with it in the If You Had To Pick One Cover Wars.


The Veronicas

Hey, a little bit of pep! The harmonies on this version really make it for me, although they, like Amos, lose points for ditching the bridge.


Brendon Urie of Panic! At The Disco and the Dresden Dolls

Again, the peppier takes on the song really bring out its strengths. This version isn’t as punch-you-in-the-mouth as the original—but then again, this is a live version of the track, and I figure that if anyone can give this song its over-the-top due, it’s Amanda Palmer.


Tori Amos - Baby One More Time, Oakland (7/13) [YouTube]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/Q4GiAjp3YMU/rick-morrissey-uses-dead-baseball-scribe-as-a-soapbox-for-blog-rant

Here's a thoroughly obnoxious column by the Chicago Tribune's Rick Morrissey in which he picks up the corpse of Jerome Holtzman and swings it in the general direction of — what else? — the blogosphere.

Holtzman was an old Chicago newspaper institution who smoked cigars and wrote a charming book but also a lot of pedestrian and disposable columns, especially in his emeritus years. He died a year ago, and recently the White Sox unveiled a display case honoring him, giving Morrissey the opportunity to take on every sports hack's favorite straw man: blogs. You've read this column a million times, so I won't bother quoting at length or mounting any defense, only to point out that Holtzman was generally unhealthy in his habits and dorkily obsessed with baseball minutiae — he invented the save, after all — and if he came along today he'd probably be writing for FanGraphs or Baseball Prospectus or something and he'd be ridiculed to no end by the likes of Rick Morrissey, who really needs to move the fuck on.

Jerome Holtzman a true Hall of Famer [Chicago Tribune]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/w-93cn7PuS8/journeyman-wide-receivers-make-you-question-your-mortality

Derrick Mason retired yesterday. He is my favorite Spartan football player of all time. We both graduated from Michigan State in the same year. He had a productive 12-year NFL career. I do this.

How can a football player, who is my age, who went to my school, in my class, be finished with his career already? It doesn't make sense. I remember watching his touchdown punt return against Michigan—maybe the most thrilling game I ever saw in person—and that was ... geebus ... 14 years ago? How old am I?

He was never the best player on any of his teams (and I'm pretty sure he never accidentally shot himself in the thigh), but he was always reliable and occasionally great. He returned punts and kickoffs and caught passes with competence, which is suprisingly rare these days. He played in a Super Bowl—one of the most thrilling games I ever saw on the TV—and two Pro Bowls and again, never shot anyone, which for MSU wideouts is pretty impressive. He was just ... good. For quite a long time actually and now he's going to retire (earlier than he needs to, by the way) and will probably stay retired and open a car dealership or something. That's pretty neat. And maybe a little depressing for me.

I wish there was a YouTube of the pass he caught—lying on his back, after a horrible Tony Banks pass went right through the hands of freshman Charles Woodson—to keep that game-winning drive rolling back in 1995. I guess you had to be there.

This should suffice for the moment.

http://idolator.com/5253702/lfo-get-acquainted-with-another-summer-girl

http://idolator.com/?p=5253702

I always say that I’m going to swear off mash-ups—too kitschy, too early-millennium—but then another one comes along that makes my resolve waver. The pop blog Sheena Beaston unearthed the latest one to make me smile, Virginia DJ CJ Milli’s collision between Lumidee’s summertime staple “Never Leave You” (a.k.a. the “uh oh… uh oh” song that was all over New York radio a few years back) and LFO’s ode to ladies who wear Abercrombie and Fitch “Summertime Girls.” The slight dissonance between Lumidee’s vocals and LFO’s lyte funkiness is sorta reminiscent of the bending that happens to ice cream trucks’ tinkling music as drivers make their rounds on summer evenings. After the jump, another “Never Leave You” remix that I found while trying to unearth one version of the song’s video that didn’t feature cameos by Busta Rhymes and Fabolous (no offense intended, they just weigh down one of the airiest pop songs to grace radio in ages):


Behold: Lumidee and My Bloody Valentine!



LFO vs. Lumidee - Never Leave Summer Girls [Sheena Beaston]
Lumidee vs. My Bloody Valentine - Never Leave You Soon [YouTube]

http://idolator.com/5253642/vh1s-best-cruise-ever-is-so-not-the-best-cruise-ever-or-how-would-you-like-to-be-trapped-at-sea-with-shinedown

http://idolator.com/?p=5253642

VH1 put its talking-head yakfest Best Week Ever on very long hiatus a few weeks ago, but they haven’t completely retired the “Best Ever” brand just yet. The show’s attendant blog is still alive, and today came the news that the channel would be sponsoring its own Best Cruise Ever, which promises to have “non-stop concerts from your favorite artists, VH1-themed activities and contests, plus the chance to hang with your favorite bands” for those people on board. (There will probably also be at least one chance to play Texas Hold ‘Em.) So who are these awesome bands scheduled to set sail to Grand Cayman next April?


3 Doors Down

Lifehouse

Shinedown



Carolina Liar



Finger Eleven

(OK, I still like this song.)


SAFETYSUIT

And there are six more bands coming as well! So what’s a more ill-advised decision, then: to have two bands with “Down” in their names on a cruise ship’s entertainment roster, or to announce this jaunt just as the radio format that blasted these semi-anonymous outfits around town are falling one by one?


VH1 Best Cruise Ever [Official site; HT Reed Fischer]

http://idolator.com/5253592/5253592

http://idolator.com/?p=5253592

Former Guns N’ Roses drummer Steven Adler is scheduled to lay down some tracks for the solo record by his ex-bandmate Slash today, joining Izzy Stradlin in the group of Former Guns N’ Roses Members Who Will Be On This Album Alongside Fergie. [Twitter via GNRDaily]

http://idolator.com/5253562/american-idol-auditions-inspire-much-blogging-about-everyone-elses-outsized-egos

http://idolator.com/?p=5253562

Well-compensated American Idol host Ryan Seacrest is at the show’s tryouts in Denver today, and he let a somewhat surprising factoid about this year’s auditions slip via Twitter: The most popular song at this year’s cattle calls has been Miley Cyrus’ pseudo-inspirational bit of jangle-pop “The Climb,” even though it seems like it would be somewhat unfriendly to the showboating that traditionally gets contestants through to the pre-Hollywood round. (Would Miley get through a “singing competition,” ever? I ask you.) Anyway, to see if this claim bore out, I did a little digging through the blogs of people who have tried out for Idol in the past few weeks, and while I didn’t see a lot of Miley name-dropping, I did notice a common theme!


• ”So once I came back from Vegas, I went to Los Angelos the following weekend to take Crystal and her friend Krystle (bizarre I know) to Disneyland and California Adventure. It was a blast and I had so much fun. The next day, I tried out for American Idol and didn’t make it. But that’s okay, it’s honestly a luck/no luck situation. I’m only sixteen, right?” Keep talking like that, girl, and you could maybe be a judge someday! [The Negative Side Of Optimism]


• ”The judge lined everyone up in groups of four. Once you get to your assigned table, the judge points to a person and says, “sing…okay stop…you sing…okay stop…you sing” and so on. The judge either tells everyone they suck or they let one person move to the next round. As you know if you have seen American Idol many people make it through that are TERRIBLE! These people go through rounds and rounds of producers before they get to see the famous judges. I know people wonder why a lot of these people that are so bad look so surprised when they see Simon and the gang and are told, ‘they have the worst voice in the world.’ Well, by this time, they have had dozens of people tell them they are awesome…tragic really.” Or just setting up the joke! Tragedy plus time equals comedy, etc. [Glory... the Nicholsons]


• ”The first person to audition and receive a golden ticket was applauded by the crowd. The first person to audition and fail received a standing ovation.” See above. [Living Falling Down]


• ”I’m not saying that I’m amazing by any stretch of the imagination, but there were some people there that could not carry a tune and they thought that they were the next Chris [sic!] Allen. They sat in the restrooms rehearsing. They walked the aisles ‘warming up their voices.’ They didn’t realize that they were annoying everyone around them. They thought they were good though. They didn’t think that there was anything wrong with there [sic! x two] singing. There was absolutely no chance that they would ever be a contestant on the competition.” This is actually a setup for the blogger to talk about people behaving in a similar way vis-a-vis their spirituality. (Oh, the irony of “idolatry” here.) (And no, he didn’t make it.) [Bryan Auton's Blog]


[Photo via AmericanIdol.com]

http://idolator.com/5253532/things-you-need-to-hear-dept-a-bagpipe-assisted-cover-of-smoke-on-the-water

http://idolator.com/?p=5253532

Dear Pipapelli: Thank you for recording a cover of Deep Purple’s “Smoke On The Water” while in Athens, Ga. this spring. Thank you for deciding to include a bagpipe in the song’s instrumentation. And most of all, thank you for really putting your all into this cover, if only because it may be the first time I’ve ever been able to apply the verb “shred” to a bagipe solo. [24 Hour Party Pooper; HT Lucas]

http://idolator.com/5253472/katy-perry-takes-brave-anti-pop-music-stance

http://idolator.com/?p=5253472

Jay-Z’s “D.O.A.” has been out for about a month now, but one pop star has just heard it—and upon being exposed to it for the first time, she decided to embrace its anti-technology, go-hard message. That person? None other than the pizza-loving fake bisexual Katy Perry, who apparently felt Jay was speaking to her when he laid down lines like “My raps don’t have melodies / this should make jackers wanna go and commit felonies” and “This ain’t a No. 1 record / this is practically assault with a deadly weapon.” No, for real, I’m not kidding:





Yes, Katy Perry is saying that fewer artists should pitch their wares to the Z100 crowd, and also that processed vocals are completely 200-late. So is this a sign that her next album will be prefaced by her spitting freestyles on Funk Flex’s show, or is she just blowing off steam because the storming chart ascent of Lady GaGa has caused “Waking Up In Vegas” to stall out on the Billboard Hot 100? I guess we won’t know until her mix tape drops!


Katy Perry [Twitter; HT Andy Hutchins]
D.O.A. Lyrics [Lyrics.com]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/c2CWIC6wiVU/blackhawks-gm-fired-for-not-following-example-set-by-cubs

Dale Tallon took over a terrible post-lockout Blackhawks franchise, combined shrewd drafting and solid free agent picks to build a young, exciting contender and was rewarded for his efforts with a swift kick in the pants. That's the Chicago way.

Granted, he did forget to mail offer letters to his team's potential free agents this offseason—he's only the general manager, for Pete's sake!—and nearly lost them all on a technicality, but that's water under the bridge. The speculation is that John McDonough, the president of the club, wanted his "own man" running the organization. So Tallon (who has been associated with the Blackhawks since the 1970's; first as a player, then a broadcaster) had to be "re-assigned" and replaced with Scotty Bowman's son. This despite the fact that Tallon took a perennial basement dweller to the Conference Finals in just four years is clearly beloved by his players. (Remember the Canadian wilderness field trip?)

Even Martin Havlat, a player who Tallon let go of this offseason, is defending his old boss with shady threats of revealing THE TRUTH. (Was the offer letter fiasco just a frame up?) Always a good sign for your organization.

So where did McDonough learn these top flight management strategies? His last job was president of the Chicago Cubs. Would you like to take the cyanide now, Blackhawks fans, or would you prefer a revolver?

Blackhawks fire Tallon: Why fix something that's not broken? [Chicago Tribune]
Havlat Uses Twitter to Go After Blackhawks Over Tallon Firing [Fanhouse]
Dale Tallon's dismissal a heartless move [ESPN]
Dale Tallon conspiracy theory in Chicago [SI]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/zZjKxXu1d1o/how-does-one-get-an-infected-finger

That's what happened to Evan Longoria. So All-Star game: Longoria out, Figgins in. Not a euphemism. [ESPN]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/-E-uUjisKTI/why-pete-rose-didnt-ruin-ray-fosses-career

No list of All-Star memories is complete without Pete Rose's decision to lower the boom on Ray Fosse, single-handedly destroying the young catcher's career in 1970. Unfortunately for the enemies of hustle, that's not quite how the story goes.

It's long been conventional wisdom that Fosse's promising career was ruined by the ridiculous home plate collision that won the game for the National League, but left Fosse with a dislocated shoulder. He was a star on the rise and a great hope for the Cleveland Indians, hitting 16 home runs in what was essentially his rookie year, making the All-Star team and eventually winning a Gold Glove. Sadly, just a few short years later he was a washed-up platoon player struggling to crack the Mendoza Line—and it could all be traced back to that collision with noted jerk Peter Edward Rose.

Except that's not exactly what happened. Yes, Fosse was hurt, but he never went on the disabled list and played 42 games in the second half. (As Rose loves to remind people, he missed three games with a bruised knee.) Playing hurt, there was a noticeable dip in his power, but the next season he went to the All-Star Game again and won his second Gold Glove. His average began to tail off the next two years (72-73), but he was still a full-time starter and a more than serviceable catcher for three full seasons after the original hit.

Fosse's career really went into a tailspin in 1974, after he had been traded to the Oakland Athletics. On June 5, Reggie Jackson, as was his wont, started a clubhouse brawl with teammate Billy North. Fosse attempted to break up the fight—and broke his neck in the process. He missed the remainder of that year, struggled mightily through the next three seasons and was done with baseball by 1977. That was the injury he never recovered from.

The argument could be made that without the shoulder injury, Fosse's home runs don't decline, he's never traded to Oakland, the Indians break their World Series curse, and their superstar catcher goes to the Hall of Fame. And since his injury did happen in an All-Star Game (before it counted!) it feels especially pointless and stupid. But wasn't Reggie Jackson's behavior even more stupid? Isn't he at least as responsible for ruining Fosse's career as Rose was? Why doesn't he catch more grief? (Or the team doctors who let Fosse play hurt?) Unfortunately, we don't have footage of that fight and it isn't replayed every July to reminds us, so Rose remains the villain on this one.

On second thought ...

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/40j-9vD8MXY/a-note-from-your-ninjas-comment-of-the-week-and-other-things

Oh. Hello there. I didn't see you come in. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in trimming this bonsai tree it's like I'm in a whole other world.

You'll forgive me if I don't take my mask off. As you're aware, mine is a world of anonymity and intrigue. To reveal myself would be to reveal yourself and I don't think you're ready for that.

What's that? That didn't make any sense? I'm not wearing a mask? Sorry. I'm kind of new at this ninja stuff and it sounded like something I think I heard in a movie once.

Anyway, what can I do for you? Have you come to learn the way of the sword? To think without thinking? To be without being? To kill without killing? I think I have an extra shinobi shozoku lying around here somewhere. Do you see it? Is it next to those deadly ninja stars? What about under all those old Auto Traders? What are you, like a 40 regular? 42 small, maybe?

Oh. You came to learn about the Deadspin commenting system. No, that's fine. I mean I am trained in a dozen martial arts and can kill a much larger man with almost no effort, but that's fine. We can talk about comments.

What's that? You want me to demonstrate those techniques? Like right now? How about later? I got this thing I have to go in a few minutes and don't want to get all sweaty and you know how it is. Oh, it's some going away dinner for a friend of my girlfriend. I hate those things. It's always at some awful restaurant where you don't know anyone and they all try to ask you about your job and you end up silently slitting some guy's throat in the bathroom stall because he was asking too many questions. It's always the same.

Anyway, about the comments: Some of the other ninjas and I were sitting around, ruminating on the deadly simplicity of the orchid and definitely not pulling bingers and playing an old Nintendo 8 bit when we decided to bring back the Commenter Of The Week feature, but with an added ninja twist.

Only the unstarred are eligible to be awarded COTW. Once awarded COTW, the lucky victim winner can then select a charity to which Deadspin will donate what we're sure is an embarrassingly modest sum in their name. Sure the charity will probably laugh when they get a check for $6.00 but who cares? It's a charity. They are professional beggars.

As an added bonus, if you are selected as COTW enough times you will be awarded a star. And it's ok to be honest. We know that interests you more than helping your fellow man.

But starred commenters should also earn their keep. That's why a couple of times per day, we'll post a random photo of something tenuously related to sports and expect you, Starred Commenters, to show everyone what makes you so damn special. Yes, it's exactly like an Open Caption contest you see at many, many other sites, but you are supposed to be experts at rapid-fire witticisms, so I'm hopeful it'll be electrifying. Be creative. Be funny. Be poignant. Be childish. But if you fail at this task enough times, you will be de-starred. Fair is fair.

So if that's all, I'd like to get back to my tree. I know it looks boring but it's really, really therapeutic. Feels almost as good as banning someone for making a "yes, no, yes" joke.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/zGueCDBpebQ/aps-dumb-baseball-poll-and-the-durable-myth-of-the-overpaid-ballplayer

The Associated Press and Knowledge Networks recently teamed up for a state-of-baseball poll that revealed nothing whatsoever except the silly dogmas of the sort of people who commission state-of-baseball polls, i.e. sportswriters.

As a look at the concerns of the common baseball fan, the survey was mostly useless, unless you're totally flabbergasted by word that 56 percent of fans have reached the commonsensical conclusion that the All-Star game shouldn't determine World Series home-field advantage. As a glimpse into the group mind of the sporting press, however, it was revealing.

The one newsworthy item to emerge from the poll is that fans identified the cost of attending a game as baseball's foremost problem. (The steroids issue rates third; naturally, half of the poll's 22 questions center on PED use.) This isn't really surprising, given that we're in the midst of a epochal economic crisis and everything. But here's how the survey framed the question (Wave 1 was conducted before opening day; Wave 2 was a more recent round of polling):

So of the many, many things wrong with the game, AP/Knowledge Networks chose four issues, the last of which is plainly idiotic (this is a poll of baseball fans, after all), the first of which is an old canard that grows more and more offensive every season.

I'll give fans a pass here and say that the 29 percent who deemed high salaries to be baseball's biggest problem were merely choosing one of two responses available to them that related to matters of the pocketbook. But why would AP/Knowledge Networks even offer the answer in the first place? Why not, oh, "owner greed" instead? Or "publicly funded baseball stadiums"? Or "baseball's anti-trust exemption"? Or "a commissioner who operates on the theory that the game's fans are slackjawed halfwits"? Or "the Washington Nationals"?

How are player salaries a legitimate issue for fans, beyond whatever vague class anxieties they inspire in the upper grandstands? This can't be said enough: High salaries do not cause high ticket prices. Period. No matter how often owners lie about it. Hell, in terms of economic stimulus, isn't that money better off in the hands of an athlete with generous views on wealth redistribution, rather than in the pockets of an owner who needs to refinance another Cessna?

The AP is trafficking in an old myth here — the overpaid ballplayer — one that long ago would've been retired if sportswriters weren't so predisposed to taking management's view on, well, everything. Here, via Matt Yglesias, is a chart of worker compensation as a share of national GDP. The figure hovers between 56 and 59 percent. Baseball players' share of leaguewide revenue is only 52 percent, the lowest of any major team sport and significantly lower than what an average American employee earns as a share of the overall economy. The AP poll was right, in a way. Salaries are a major problem facing baseball. They're too small.

Knowledge Networks-Associated Press Poll (PDF) [AP]
Poll: MLB fans feel priced out at ballparks [AP]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/RxL8YRNXtYs/tour-de-france-riders-forced-to-perform-without-mechanical-supplements

The Tour de France tried an "experiment" today—banning radios that allow coaches and team leaders to communicate with their riders during the race. It's almost like they expect these athletes to use their own brains!

You see, back in the ye olde times of the early 1990s, cyclists had to make their own calculations and decisions in the middle of a race. Then some kid named Armstrong came along with his cellphone-sponsored walkie-talkie team and won the whole thing and now riders would apparently forget how to pedal if they didn't have someone whispering in their ear all day. So to try and make things interesting, Tour officials have banned the now omnipresent radios for two stages just to see what happens. (So far nothing. Today's stage unfolded exactly the way everyone thought it would.)

There was some grumbling about the whole thing, but the good news is that it gave Robin Williams an opportunity to do what he does best—make fun of deaf people. Now before you watch this video and say "Wow, Robin Williams is old!" and then feel guilty when he shows off his heart surgery scar, I just wanted to say ... Robin Williams is old. How he became best buds with Lance is anyone's guess, but I guess cycling races are the new like Laker games for insufferable Hollywood types. Until Armstrong stops winning, that is, which will never happen as long as he has his trusty radio and magical wristbands.

With 10th-stage radio silence, Tour undergoes new twist [USA Today]
Lance Armstrong Chats With Robin Williams [Livestrong]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/dXIA9ZP2CZY/at-least-he-won-his-old-mans-respect

The baseball field, Turgenev once wrote, is a sacred bonding ground for fathers and sons. And what's bonding if it's not daring your son to sprint across the infield of a minor league ballpark? Visiting him in juvi, maybe.

That's where a 14-year-old boy from Fort Mill, S.C. spent his weekend, which started so innocently and pleasurably — so patriotically — at a Charlotte Knights game, of all places. The stadium was packed with fans awaiting fireworks and clutching their newly-acquired beach bags when the teenager's father, as many do, decided to live vicariously through his offspring.

He acknowledged joking with his son about what it would be like to run onto the field. The family was sitting behind home plate, about 10 rows up.

"I said, ‘Boy, if you do, you'd be the man,'" Richards said. "It wasn't like we went to the rail and helped him over or anything."

So the boy became the man, ever the chip off the old block. He jumped the dugout, scampered shirtless across the infield all the way to the wall in center field, where he jumped and slapped the 400-foot sign. (Act like a juvenile delinquent today!)

Not that there's anything wrong with that — except, you know, everything. The boy and his old man were arrested, and the latter was released on bond the next day. The kid will remain in juvenile detention — wasn't he now a man? — for trespassing until the next Family Court, when he will continue to do exactly as advised.

Teen jailed for sprint across diamond [Charlotte Observer]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/PMVdRWXKX6s/the-home-run-derby-will-rot-your-will-to-live

As it turns out, Chris Berman might be the only person pitched at the right frequency for the Home Run Derby. After three hours of that — three hours! — I was almost afraid I didn't like baseball anymore.

The joke about Berman's histrionics at the Home Run Derby has always been based in a fundamental truth: The guy didn't show much interest in baseball the rest of the season — as anyone who has heard him try to "call" a playoff game can tell you — and seemed to be popping in as a manifestation of its most cretinous form, bombast with all complication excised. Chris Berman isn't a baseball fan: He just likes things that go boom.

The mistake, having now sat through that for a whole evening, was blaming Berman for this. Chris Berman is the only person on earth who could broadcast the Home Run Derby. Screaming like a mad man, like a child who has just discovered that pushing air here through that makes noise, might be Berman's tranquil state, but it's the literal opposite of what any rational human would want to do during the Home Run Derby. That he's able to keep that up for so long, at that level of enthusiasm for an event that stuffs enthusiasm in a laundry sack and bashes it against the cement for three hours, is the mark of the truly mad. It's also kind of heroic. I cannot fathom how anyone could put themselves through that and muster up enough energy to stay upright, let alone sound like This Is The Most Amazing Thing You Have Ever Seen. It would be easier to vigorously broadcast the contents of one's refrigerator. Berman must sleep for two months afterward.

The Leitches and I, way up in Section 545, kept our dander up for the first hour. Mistakenly thinking this was a sustainable event, I even tried live-Tweeting the events from the stands. (Note: I believe "live-Tweeting" is merely known as "Tweeting.") Albert Pujols' inclusion kept alive the illusion that this was an actual sporting event, for a little while. After all, we were at a baseball stadium! In seats! With tickets! Drinking beer! Baseball!

But that cannot last, and eventually the brain finally catches on and reminds you that you're watching batting practice. And you've been watching batting practice for three hours. It is baseball reduced to its most base instinct. It is explosion without context. It is whippets, temporary sensation caused by the rapid destruction of millions of irreplaceable brain cells, ultimately leading to subdural haematoma. By the end, we weren't at a baseball game; we were watching the beginning of Irreversible. We were staring blankly into the void.

So we left. We stayed until the end, because you're at a baseball stadium and that's what you're supposed to do even if you're not watching baseball, but we checked out long before, letting our souls escape to a happy place, where we thought about chores needing to be done at home, assignments needing finished, toenails needing clipped. It's just too much. I guess I never realized. I guess I never understood. It hurts your heart. It really does.

And yes: I have newfound respect for Berman. He sits through that every year, and screams and yells and Promotes The Brand. The intestinal fortitude it must require to do that is staggering. He might not be human. You almost admire him for it.

—-—-—-—-—-—--

By the way, because no one ever makes it to the end of the Ten Humans part of the column, we're making a little switch. Rather than doing the Ten Humans every Tuesday, we're going to do little posts like this one twice a week. It'll usually be Tuesday and Thursday, though you'll probably get another report from the All-Star Game tomorrow. I apologize in advance for the slight uptick in Deadspin presence.

PHOTO: Courtesy of this person

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/cnTk18AbybE/the-creepy-photo-of-the-bloody-purse-strap-allegedly-used-to-choke-arturo-gatti

This falls in line with what the police say happened that night, although Gatti's wife claims she's not guilty.[YBB]

http://idolator.com/5253422/mariah-carey-is-hoping-that-someone-gets-hit-by-a-bus

http://idolator.com/?p=5253422

Thanks to some poor schlub at Yahoo! Music flipping the wrong switch, Mariah Carey’s Brett Ratner-directed video for “Obsessed” premiered a few hours before it was set to debut online, and a whole day and a half before its TV debut. The clip is lacking the gently self-mocking humor that made last year’s Ratner-helmed spot for “Touch My Body” giggle-worthy; instead, it’s a video where Mimi is either taking aim at her longtime ponytail-puller Eminem or at any of the “little people” out there (doormen, photo assistants) who have unfortunate facial hair and low-level service jobs. Not a good look, either way. Clip after the jump.





Note also that Ratner rips off the clip’s ending (well, at least the CGI used in its ending) from a video by, of all people, Matt & Kim. Ugh. This whole thing is rendered even more unfortunate by me hearing “We Belong Together” on the radio yesterday, and it still sparkling out of tinny car speakers four years after its initial release.


mariah obsessed [YouTube search result]

http://idolator.com/5253382/roisin-murphy-chaka-khan-and-micachu-can-read-your-thoughts-right-now

http://idolator.com/?p=5253382

Chaka Khan has teamed up with five other female musicians—Róisín Murphy, Sinéad O’Connor, Micachu, thecocknbullkid, and Alessi’s Ark—and recorded a cover of her disco classic “I’m Every Woman” to benefit the British charity ActionAid, which tries to help women who are living in impoverished conditions around the world.


The song, which was executive-produced by Epic Records president Amanda Ghost, is available as a free download from the nonprofit’s site, and while it’s a fairly sleepy take on the song given the cast of characters (I was hoping for more left-field bleeping and ground-up dance elements), the charity it benefits is more than worth supporting. Here’s Murphy talking about the project and her performance style:





Six Degrees [ActionAid UK]
[HT: arjan writes]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/44DvEWkzX5M/the-bizarre-world-of-childrens-youtube-videos

Ever stumble on some random YouTube video and wonder to yourself, "How did this piece of shit get 200,000 views?" Well, I have the answer.

Kids. Very small children enjoy the YouTube a lot more than you may be aware of, and I'm not lying when I tell you that the only videos they enjoy are fucking weirdest and most annoying ones. We have one desktop computer in our house. At least three times a day, my kid will climb up on the office chair and just start surfing away, watching completely random shit for as long as she can. This annoys me, be cause A) I have shit to do on that machine. Hey kid, you already colonized the TV. Leave the fucking computer to Mr. Breadwinner. And B) Because the stuff she clicks is so harrowing to both watch and/or listen to.

In a child's hands, YouTube is like a long hallway, with doors leading to ever stranger and more inexplicable places. You click on a Wiggles video, you find a link to a homemade video of an animated dinosaur lighting his own farts, which leads you to a link to a crude drawing of a volcanic ass, which leads you to news footage of Mount St. Helen's blowing up, which leads you to a clip of Helen Keller in "The Miracle Worker" dubbed in Korean. It's like Six Degrees Of Fuckedupness. And when I beg my kid to watch something relatively normal, like a Cookie Monster clip, she immediately clicks away to something awful. Here are some of the things you might find if you leave the surfing to a kid who doesn't know any better:

FUCKED UP EUROTRASH CARTOON ARTISTS

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/-2KUaYM22uE/creativity-in-full-bloom-on-the-kentucky-minor-league-circuit

The Lexington Legends have a passionate hometown fan base that loves to let opposing players know they're appreciated for all their hard work and effort. Especially on dollar beer night. [Horace Grant Halftime Report/Intentional Foul]

http://idolator.com/5253352/kelly-clarkson-is-walking-away-again

http://idolator.com/?p=5253352

Kelly Clarkson stopped by Late Show With David Letterman last night to perform her forthcoming single “Already Gone,” which is a big splashy ballad on All I Ever Wanted but which gets the toned-down, tuned-down treatment live. I love this arrangement—it really brings out the song’s vulnerability, and Kelly’s voice sounds great—and I’m hoping that this rework gets at least the B-side treatment when the single eventually does come out. Clip after the jump.





Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone [YouTube via ONTD]

http://idolator.com/5253312/this-years-vmas-to-be-more-brit-tastic-than-ever-before

http://idolator.com/?p=5253312

This year’s installment of the MTV Video Music Awards—the channel’s annual attempt to wheeze some life into its outdated identity as something that airs music-related programming—is set to air live from New York’s Radio City Music Hall on Sept. 13. In an effort to help people remember that last year’s telecast was “controversial,” the suits at MTV have decided to book the wild-haired British comedian Russell Brand as host once again, despite his getting in lukewarm water for mocking the Jonas Brothers’ devotion to premarital purity. Two performers have been announced: the omnipresent twangy teen Taylor Swift; and the beloved, bombastic British band Muse, who will perform the lead single from their forthcoming album The Resistance.


Muse is something of an interesting “credibility” reach for MTV, who seem to have been into the idea of borrowing one band championed by the rock cognoscenti per year. (Remember when “Young Folks” got those nods back in 2007?) Perhaps the channel will give Muse a retroactive Moonman for its over-the-top “Knights Of Cydonia” clip?





At the very least, if the rumors of this year’s telecast having a West Side Story theme are true, this clip can inspire some excellent fighting-related choreography.


2009 MTV Video Music Awards [MTV]
Knights Of Cydonia [YouTube]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/apEHt4nmXR8/drug-mule-puts-cocaine-in-golf-clubs-gets-shafted

Note to aspiring drug smugglers: If you're smuggling blow through an airport by stuffing it inside golf equipment, it helps to know a little something about golf. And no, a "handicap" does not mean you have a limp.

Customs officials stopped an unemployed Sussex woman at Manchester Airport (that's England, folks) while carrying a bag of golf clubs after getting off a flight from Jamaica. Nothing suspicious there! Naturally, they struck up a conversation about hitting the links and asked her about pedestrian golfing terms like birdies, fairways and handicaps. That didn't go so well for her.

"When Dryer was asked questions about golf, it was clear that she was totally unfamiliar with the game and she had no legitimate reason for travelling with the sports equipment."

An airport source added: "When asked about her handicap, she looked blank and asked them to repeat the question.

"It appeared as if she thought they were asking her if she had a disability."

It seems that $83,000 worth of sweet yay had been stuffed into the hollowed out shafts of her clubs, and the poor woman will be in jail for the next four years. (I guess that part of the story isn't as funny.) Still, it's a good tip for up-and-coming drug dealers out there: Try recruiting your patsies at the PGA Tour events.

Drug mule balls up her golf quiz [The Sun]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/C2vLEijEZa0/pedro-martinez-philadelphia-phillies

Level of excitement had this happened in 2004: 9. Level of excitement in 2009: 4. Still? Number of red Martinez jersey-shirts sold at Modell's over the weekend?: 8,016 [Cherry Hill Courier Post/PHOTO: EveryJoe]

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/largeheartedboy/~3/xNgLWEGwxv4/try_it_before_y_91.html

Try It Before You Buy It features free and legal mp3 downloads and full album streams from this week's music releases:

August Burns Red: Constellations
full album stream

Beastie Boys: Ill Communication (remastered with bonus disc)
full album stream

Care Bears on Fire: Get Over It
full album stream
"Superteen" [mp3]

Daughtry: Leave This Town
full album stream

David Bowie: VH1 Storytellers
full album stream

The Dead Weather: Horehound
full album stream

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros: Up from Below
"40 Day Dream" [mp3]

The Killer and the Star: The Killer and the Star
full album stream

New Roman Times: On The Sleeve
"Smoke in Your Disguise" [mp3]

Nicholas Hooper: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (soundtrack)
full album stream

Olivia Broadfield: Eyes Wide Open
full album stream

Sick Puppies: Tri-Polar
full album stream

The Silent Years: Let Go
"Taking Drugs at the Amusement Park" [mp3]

Summer Cats: Summer Cats
"Hey You" [mp3]

Surrogate: Popular Mechanics
full album stream

Ty Segall: Lemons
"It #1" [mp3]

also at Largehearted Boy:

previous Try It Before You Buy It lists
CD & DVD release lists

tags: music cd list indie album releases mp3 download free

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Fluxblog/~3/Ex9-xGgh-GY/a-gift-given-accidentally

http://www.fluxblog.org/?p=2615

Wilco @ Keyspan Park 7/13/2009
Wilco, The Song / I Am Trying To Break Your Heart / A Shot In The Arm / At Least That’s What You Said / Bull Black Nova / You Are My Face / One Wing / Handshake Drugs / Deeper Down / Impossible Germany / Jesus, etc. / Sunny Feeling / I’m Always In Love / Can’t Stand It / Hate It Here / Walken / I’m The Man Who Loves You / Hummingbird // Heavy Metal Drummer / You & I (with Leslie Feist) / California Stars / You Never Know / Misunderstood / Spiders (Kidsmoke) (with Yo La Tengo) /// The Late Greats / Hoodoo Voodoo

In case you missed it, I already wrote about the new Wilco album here. I’m not going to be talking about any of that today. I did make a point of mentioning the band’s chops and professionalism in that review, and that’s kinda crucial to discussing their live show as well. The difference is, while their precision can seem a bit dry and sterile on record, it’s maximized for beauty and drama in concert, and without any of the band members possessing an over-the-top charisma, they have a very high level of showmanship. You may think “Oh man, two and a half hours of Wilco, that could be kinda punishing,” but the entire duration demands your attention, whether they’re jamming out with Yo La Tengo on “Spiders,” going soft and delicate on “Impossible Germany.”

Wilco “You Are My Face” (Live from Ashes of American Flags)

I adore the lovely drift of these verses, but it would not mean nearly as much as when the tension builds up, tangling into knots, and snapping loose when Tweedy sings “I have no idea how this happens!” You need not understand or relate to any other word he sings in the song as long you connect with that feeling, like being in a daze and suddenly bolting up straight in your seat with what feels like an epiphany, but is much closer to the realization that you’re totally clueless. Then you drift off again…

Buy it from Amazon.

Yo La Tengo @ Keyspan Park 7/13/2009
? / Mr. Tough / ? / Little Eyes / Autumn Sweater / Periodically Double Or Triple / From A Motel 6 / ? / Tom Courtenay / The Story Of Yo La Tango

Yo La Tengo “Periodically Double Or Triple”

I’m going to assume that the songs I didn’t recognize were new ones from the forthcoming record, which sounds like it should be a pretty groovy record for them. I’m rather fond of “Periodically Double Or Triple,” mainly because I like when Yo La Tengo swings a bit, and the songs that allow Ira Kaplan to indulge in this sardonic tone of voice. I’m reserving judgment on this music until I hear the finished product, but I will say this: I will never ever ever ever be bored watching this band perform “Tom Courtenay.” It’s just never going to happen.

Here’s the Matador records website for Yo La Tengo.