http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/tkTNOhGQWXw/sixers-have-something-for-everyone-except-basketball-fans

Philly hired a VH1 reality show host to give lonely fans dating advice, and next week sees a postgame concert from noted NBA player favorite Matisyahu. The Iverson sideshow's not moving as many tickets as hoped, methinks. [NBA/NBA]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/7yx1FiE4fEc/seahawks-about-to-land-pete-carroll

"Pete Carroll is the guy Seahawks are targeting. It is expected to happen," according to Chris Mortensen's imaginary friends. [@mortreport]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/0GK0-NT7qsA/the-one-where-the-la-angels-catchers-mom-accidentally-shows-her-nipple-on-new-years-eve

We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another. (NSFW)

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...

Yeah, I'd Say This Is The Epitome Of A Deleted Scene

Thought you might enjoy two photos of Mike Napoli's mother's nipples. I found them on Facebook. I've attached the photo's. Her name is Donna [redacted]. The photos were taken at Napoli's New Year's Eve bash. She must feel like a complete boob.

The Further Adventures Of Pat "The Bat" Burrell

Through a friend of a friend of a friend who worked for the Phillies at one point, here it goes.

The Fightins' are on the road, and Pat brings a young lady back to his room, and they begin sexytime. At some point, Pat decides to turn her over and put it in her ass.

As he's plowing her, he begins to scream, and I quote, "You're pussy is jealous! You're pussy is jealous!", waking up half the floor.

These Types Of Emails Are The Saddest Ones Of All

SUBJECT: please send me a willie parker jersey

we can't get them out here bob paprer 318 48th SDTeet rapid cty sds 57702

CRAGGS:

"What size?"

POOR BOB:

"LARGE"

Even Nice Mommies Think Adam James Is Awful

Here's the Leach/James in a nutshell: My mom is what some people like to call a "50s Catholic". She goes to mass twice on Sundays, once to read & once to run the 4:30 that only our parish has & is overrun by non parishner douches. She didn't talk to my sister for the month that my sister moved in with her then fiance before their wedding. She decries that state of society & media today on an hourly basis. It is so bad that when she took my nieces to "Monsters vs. Aliens" last year, it was the first time she'd been in a theater in over 5 years. And before that, she'd go stretches without talking to my dad when he'd yell at myself & my younger brothers in Little League or middle school football games. She is, to put it mildly, a prude. But even my mom, super-prude & bleeding heart for the put upon players, called Adam James (and I quote as much as I can to get around filters) a "spolied, crybaby little pu$$y". It was a comment that caused 3 simulatneous spit takes. And it is pretty goddamn accurate.

Oh, For Fuck's Sake...

Deadspin folks,

This is not a joke or spam tip - it's actually something of truth that has been relayed to me by a friend. His dad is, if nothing else, filthy rich, and is the kind of person who "knows people who know people." One of those people happens to be Tiger Woods.

This is what he repeated to me:

1. Elin Nordgren discovered a naked picture sent to Woods' cellular phone by some random woman, presumably one he had been sleeping with or had slept with once. She confronts Tiger about this, prompting the now-infamous Tiger Voicemail.

2. Nordgren suddenly goes nuts, grabs a nine iron, and smacks Woods with it, breaking his jaw in the process. She then proceeds to break stuff throughout the house in anger.

3. I don't know where the car accident comes into play. Maybe it was Woods trying to get away. This part of the story was not relayed to me, so while it happened, I don't know how my friend's story fits in.

4. Woods is now prepared to pay Nordgren a "large sum of money" (my friend said 50 mil, but it was a guess) to stay married for an extra year or two to preserve his image somewhat.

I know that sounds crazy and spammish, but apparently it's true. Again, it's not coming from some random person - this guy's dad, as well as many of my friends' dads, is a prominent figure in society.

Sincerely,
Anonymous Sender

Jose Canseco and Robb Dibble With Something Called "The Clipse"

Your Brother's Artwork Is Very Special. Thank You For Sharing.

Thought you might get a kick out of these, my brother Brian whipped these up. 1st one is Coach Ryan throwing thunderbolts at the opposition, and the second is simply him ordering a Monster Thickburger from Carl's Jr. Hope you enjoy. BTW, I sent a tip in a few weeks ago about Braylon Edwards and his current child support/paternity drama in NY Family Court, was that not interesting enough, or was it never received?

And The Jets Fans Begin Their Moron March In Style

http://idolator.com/5354652/lady-gaga-creative-director

http://idolator.com/?p=5354652

Check out the business card Lady Gaga will surely be handing out as she steps into her side role as the creative director for Polaroid. She tweeted the above pic, which was shot, we presume, with one of her new employer’s products. Personally, we’re a little distracted by the Lady’s makeup, which is infinitely more bold and more colorful than the little white piece of paper she’s holding. But she still totally wins the business card war anyway.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/3vWHgYOY7dY/theyre-just-mining-your-childhood-for-ideas-now

LeBron and Dwight Howard have teamed up to film an update of the landmark McDonald's HORSE commercial. Spoiler: the game ends when Howard is unable to hit a free throw five times in a row.

The two, plus Larry Bird, filmed Monday at Conseco Fieldhouse. It'll air on the Super Bowl, and be a refreshing change of pace from Danica Patrick pretending to take off her shirt, but I'm telling you right now it's not going to match up to the original. For one, it's not 1992, and you're not 10 years old anymore. But consider:

•Conseco Fieldhouse? We go from shooting from the iconic Sears Tower John Hancock Center (and later outer space), to a place named for an insurance company that filed for Chapter 11? They'd better be doing some second unit filming from atop the Burj Dubai.

•Dwight Howard? Bird and Jordan were indisputably the two biggest names in basketball, and maybe sports. Dwight Howard is a very good center without a personality. Come on, McDonald's, it's been six years since you dropped Kobe after that...unpleasantness. I think he's safe to sell our kids Big Macs now.

•No Jordan? I guess he doesn't need the money as much these days, since he won't be losing it to his players in Boo-Ray.

But does it really matter if the commercial's any good? You'll watch it, because you're not going to not watch the Super Bowl. And you'll probably take your family out for fast food within the week anyway, you fat slob.

Pacers' Bird films Super Bowl ad [Indy Star]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/rIdbdYDaMo4/so-you-think-nu-can-dance-week-2-lurch-dunks-on-our-heads

A weekly feature in which author Benoit Denizet-Lewis follows the fortunes of the only BCS school to have sucked so consistently and spectacularly that it has never made the NCAA tournament, Northwestern. Current record: 11-3. Tournament prospects: Goodish.

Last week: @Illinois, L, 89-83 (OT); Michigan State, L, 91-70; Texas-Pan American, W, 53-44
Upcoming: @Michigan, Wisconsin

Thank God for Texas-Pan American. The Broncs (what kind of ridiculous name is that, anyway?), who are 1-16 and significantly worse than that record might suggest, came north last night and did their best Washington Generals impression, thus ending one of the most depressing stretches of my pathetic, Northwestern-loving life.

It all started in the conference opener last Thursday, when the Wildcats, ranked for the first time since Dick Vitale was scaring high school kids as a coach in New Jersey, lost a thriller in overtime at Illinois. Baby-faced NU sophomore John Shurna, who is quickly becoming the Big Ten's most lovable new star, scored 27 points en route to his second Big Ten Player of the Week honor, but the Wildcats couldn't stop Illinois center Mike Tisdale, who scored 31 points and seemed to talk shit after every one. Note to Mike: You're an average, skinny, blindingly white Big Ten center who looks like he should be answering the Addams family's door. Shut the hell up.

Bright and early on New Year's Day, only a few hours after Kathy Griffin asked Anderson Cooper for his "safe word" on CNN, Northwestern's football team lost a wild, heartbreaking overtime game against Auburn, which followed last year's wild, heartbreaking overtime game against Missouri. Sure, the Auburn game made for great television, and Pat Fitzgerald's ballsy decision to go for a fake field goal to win in OT earned him some props, but none of that changes the fact that Northwestern still hasn't won a bowl game since 1949. And next year, when the Wildcats make another bowl despite being discounted by everyone who somehow forgets that we've won more Big Ten championships in the last 15 years than Penn State, Wisconsin, and Iowa, we will have to hear about the bowl drought all over again, complete with those damn grainy black-and-white highlights.

But back to basketball. The week from hell continued on Saturday, when NU's hoopsters got crushed at home by Michigan State on the night that Sports Illustrated's Chris Ballard came to check them out. Shurna had another brilliant game (29 points, six rebounds, four assists), but the Cats, who shocked the Spartans last year in East Lansing, got demolished down low and fell behind big in the second half.

NU has a big problem with its big men. The starter, Serb Luka Mirkovic, shows promise but too often is a marshmallow around the basket, and sometimes I wish the student section would yell impolite things about his mother or his country, just to see if he can get angry. The same goes for the backup, Kyle Rowley, from Trinidad and Tobago, who is very big and very tall (7 feet, 280 pounds) but seems thoroughly uninterested in dunking a basketball.

Still, as dumbfounding and disheartening at this last week was, Northwestern's chances of making the tournament are still good. (And I'm not even on crack this week.) The Cats are 11-3 and must somehow survive the brutal first half of the conference slate (Wisconsin, Purdue, Ohio State) and then win more than they lose in the second half.

This will happen. This must happen. My therapist is currently on an inexcusable three-week vacation, meaning that if Northwestern loses to both Michigan and Wisconsin in the next week, someone will have to call Dr. Drew and tell him to cart me off to rehab.

Benoit Denizet-Lewis is a writer with The New York Times Magazine. His latest book is American Voyeur: Dispatches from the Far Reaches of Modern Life. He can be reached at www.benoitdenizetlewis.com or on Twitter.

   Finally a 2009 retrospective that's actually worth reading! 50 things we didn't know a year ago

The most daft: 34. Nearly all animals emit the same stench when they die, and have done so for more than 400 million years.
   (thanks for that insight, though that's actually contrary to what I thought I'd heard before -- that all animals can distinguish the distinctive stench of their own species dead)


The most practically useful to every day life: 50. Watermelon is more efficient at rehydrating our bodies than drinking water. It contains 92 percent water and essential rehydration salts.
   (so put down that cup of water and bury your face in a delicious slice of watermelon!)


Entirely Unrelated Picture of the Day

People jumping off the old walls in Akka, Israel

http://idolator.com/5354212/blast-to-the-past-with-destinys-child-song-leaks

http://idolator.com/?p=5354212

Could the recent spurt of leaks of unreleased Destiny’s Child songs be some sort of kooky marketing campaign to promote the girl group’s long-rumored reunion? We know it seems crazy. There’s a better chance that Justin Timberlake will decide he’d be better off reuniting with N Sync or that Robbie Williams will take an interest in whatever the other members of Take That are up to. Plus, we’ve been hearing these rumors for awhile with no real evidence of movement toward a bona fide DC reunion. Still, these two leaked tracks are a joyful reminder of the decade we just left behind. Listen to “Life Like This” and “Twirk” after the jump.

“Life Like This” (produced by Rodney Jerkins)

It’s unclear which album this slow-jam track was originally intended for, but we imagine them to be from circa-Survivor. Not a very memorable song, and perhaps that’s why it never made the cut.

“Twirk” (produced by Scott Storch)

Sounds a bit like B’s “Naughty Girl” off Dangerously In Love, no? Could be why it wasn’t placed on Destiny Fulfilled, since “Naughty” was released the year before. Or maybe because it’s incredibly bland.

As fun as Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle could be back in the day, we’re satisfied with that door being closed, even if Columbia isn’t. And if Beyoncé really wants to team up with anyone again, we much prefer her looking into the future (which includes filming her the music video for her Lady Gaga collaboration, “Telephone,” in just a few weeks) than cozying back up with the past. Sorry Michelle and Kelly. Hope Broadway and poker tournaments are enough for you for now.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/F7DzPC6RQ1A/introducing-great-moments-in-drunken-hookup-failure

I once had a friend named Mark (not his real name) who was trying to have sex with a girl while he was blind drunk. He did not end up succeeding. Here is the short story of why.

As they were hooking up in his dorm room, Mark and this girl mutually agreed to move on to intercourse. It's always a thrilling moment when you propose the idea of intercourse to a girl in the middle of a hookup and she agrees. Really? You want to move on to sex? Are you sure? NICE! I was totally hoping you'd be cool with it!

So Mark began the task of working up a boner and slipping it into the dock, but he just couldn't negotiate the entry.

"You're too dry," he told her. "We need lube."

Mark looked around. There was no lube readily available to him. No KY warming lotion. No Astroglide. No nothing. The only thing he saw in his immediate vicinity was the small plastic bathroom caddy he took to the shower every morning. Inside was a bottle of Head and Shoulders. Acting on drunken impulse, he grabbed the bottle out of the caddy and squirted a generous –- VERY GENEROUS -– blue glop of the shampoo directly onto the girl's biscuit. It took exactly .000002 seconds for the poor gal to cry out in stinging pain, smack Mark on the head, grab her clothes and bolt right out the door. He had blown his chance with this girl, and he never got another crack at her. Rightfully so, of course.

I'm not particularly interested in stories of male sexual conquest ("Long story short, I ROOTED HER GOOD!"). I'm far more interested in the opposite kind of story: the blown, drunken hookup. That's the kind of story that I identify with, because I blew so many hookups over the course of my youth, not unlike Andy Reid trying to manage the clock at the end of a football game. I've been unable to get an erection. I've accidentally locked myself out of my dorm room as I was bringing a lady home. I've asked girls in college out on formal DATES. No one's dumb enough to do that, but I did. I've said the exact wrong thing at the wrong time. I've thrown up. I've farted mid-hookup. I've been unable to convince roommates to leave, and unable to convince the girl that having a roommate around wouldn't make it weird for her. I've been unable to stop belching during makeout sessions. I've had the answering machine go off mid-intercourse, with a parent leaving a seemingly interminable message, destroying all hope of erection maintenance. I've taken a girl home to watch a movie (and thus hook up), put in Dead Man Walking, and then seen the girl become too sad to hook up.

One time, I hooked up with a girl at a party in college on Halloween. I expected to be able to take her home. Instead, she went home with another guy who was wearing a Smurf costume. I was ditched for a fucking Smurf.

My life is a shambles of drunken hookup failure. I haven't dumped shampoo on anyone's cooch, but still. Blowing a hookup is one of the worst things that can happen to man, and I'd like to be able to offer you some semblance of closure to the most glaring sexual failures from your personal history.

That's right. It's a new series: GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE. Send me any failed hookup story you want. If it's good, I'll toss it here every Friday. And if you've never experienced hookup failure in your life, then go fuck off to Tucker Max's message board.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/yoQC-KBSW3E/breaking-jim-mora-fired

Jay Glazer just tweeted the news a couple minutes ago. And Glazer is blissfully never wrong. I've always thought Jim Mora 2 looks like an Eskimo. That's probably a wrong assumption.

http://idolator.com/5354132/kevin-rudolfs-i-made-it-leaks

http://idolator.com/?p=5354132

Cash Money honcho Lil Wayne may have suffered various setbacks with his seventh studio album Rebirth, but that’s not keeping the other artists on the roster from remaining prolific.

Fresh from his stints of co-producing (with Kara DioGuardi) “Good Girls Go Bad” for Idolator’s Worst Album Cover Art Of 2009 honorees Cobra Starship and writing for Allison Iraheta and Leona Lewis, rocker Kevin Rudolf has teamed up with Weezy, Birdman and on-a-roll British hitmaker Jay Sean for “I Made It.” The triumph-themed cut is off Rudolf’s upcoming sophomore album.

Like Kevin’s 2008 smash “Let It Rock,” “I Made It” is a sweeping power jam that, despite the overproduction, remains pleasantly infectious. Now, nothing against Wayne—or Jay and Birdman, for that matter—but it’d be nice to this dude land a hit without today’s usual chart suspects chiming in over it.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/AFtc8Qjl234/chin-blossoms-buffalonians-begin-the-cowher-chase-in-earnest

Raiders, Bengals and Bears fans have all purchased billboards calling for their teams to clean house in the front office. But those are angry, angry cities. The salt-of-the-earth folk in Upstate New York prefer more constructive advice on their roadsides.

Monday, a local site launched a campaign to raise money to erect a sign in downtown Buffalo calling for the team to hire Bill Cowher. It took less than four days. Either Bills fans really, really want a coach with a proven track record, or ad space in the Rust Belt isn't exactly at a premium.

Fan campaigns have historically been less than effective. Al Davis is still GM in Oakland. Lovie Smith is coming back to coach the Bears. Mike Brown still does just about everything in Cincinnati. And we all know how well Cowher09.com did in luring Bill to Cleveland last winter.

But I have a feeling this one might work. Cowher's repeatedly said he wants to get back into coaching this year, and there's only one vacancy: in Buffalo. So nice timing, Bills fans. You probably would get your man anyway, and now commuters have to look at Cowher's snarling visage every morning.

Buffalo Fans Want Bill Cowher [Buffalo Sports Daily]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/Tlpqcw6swFQ/your-state-of-the-buzzsaw-address

For the second consecutive year, I'm heading to the Pink Taco in Glendale for playoff game hosted by The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. I'm not sure enough people appreciate how strange that is.

Two-and-a-half years ago, I previewed the Buzzsaw's 2007 season with an interview with The Anonymous Lifelong Buzzsaw Season Ticket Holder Friend. I wanted to better understand the franchise I'd spent my entire life cheering for, from the inside, from a guy who had sat out in the 120-degree Sun Devil Stadium heat, dealing with a fanbase that was 65 percent actually rooting for the Cowboys. I'd never even been to Arizona, and after the interview, The Anonymous Lifelong Buzzsaw Season Ticket Holder Friend (heretofore TALBSTHF) invited me to come out if the Buzzsaw ever actually hosted a playoff game. He said this jokingly. We knew that would never happen.

Now, for the second straight year, I'm taking him up on it. Heading into the first Falcons game last year, all I hoped was that the Buzzsaw didn't embarrass themselves, that the first time the football nation ever noticed they existed didn't end with Kurt Warner's spleen smeared across the Pink Taco turf. Then they won ... and they won again ... and they won again. My brain is still trying to compute last January, yet here we are, again.

Football moves so quickly. Already, the Cardinals are the dull NFC entrant, oh yeah they're back again. For crying out loud, the Arizona Cardinals are in the playoffs. That will never stop looking strange to me. And now it has happened twice.

I do not know if the Cardinals are going to win Sunday, and a part of me, like last year, does not care. Before I headed to Arizona last year, I'd never even met another Cardinals fan. Now I have a group of friends waiting to tailgate with me, to drink and eat and consider selling the extra tickets to the guys in the cheese hats.

All I ever wanted was for the Buzzsaw to be thought of as an actual NFL team. They are now. They provide hope for fans of the Browns, the Pirates, the Grizzlies, the sad-sack franchises who think their day will never come but stick it out anyway. It can come. You can be normal. You can be just another team. You can find fellow fans who aren't ashamed. I have been a Buzzsaw fan my entire life. The Arizona Cardinals are in the playoffs, and no one thinks it's all that big of a deal. That's bliss. That can be you. It can happen.

And if they lose: Look, Matt Holliday!

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/ueP0iCXD-IA/the-nba-tackles-the-real-problem

The Nets take the lead in what could be a league-wide crackdown on gambling on team flights. Remember kids, guns don't kill people; Boo-Ray kills people. [NYT]

http://idolator.com/5353982/nicki-minaj-sasses-up-mariah-careys-up-out-my-face-remix

http://idolator.com/?p=5353982

More Mimi has leaked, this time in the form of the re-swizzed “Up Out My Face” from her forthcoming Angel’s Advocate remix album. Twenty-five-year-old rapper Nicky Minaj lends some spunky rhymes to the cut, such as, “Mariah, I was in the million dollar meetin’s,  he was cheatin’/ All up in the church he was sneakin’ with the deacon.”

Girl, that’s what house arrest ankle bracelets are for! Hear “Up Out My Face” below.

Much like the new remix album’s first single “Angels Cry” (which features the suave vocals of Ne-Yo), there’s not really much difference, musically, from this version of “Up Out My Face” than the one on Carey’s recently-released studio album Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel—save for the weaving in of Minaj’s raps.

Overall “Face” rings a little too similar to Mariah’s winter 2005 smash “Don’t Forget About Us,” which itself copped from her mega-hit from earlier that year, “We Belong Together.” But still, if Mimi’s going to mine from her own extensive back catalog of ballads, those are the primo melodies to go for.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/largeheartedboy/~3/jk4e3b2WwrY/book_notes_matt_5.html

In the Book Notes series, authors create and discuss a music playlist that relates in some way to their recently published book.

In his own words, here is Matt Baker's Book Notes music playlist for his debut novel, Drag the Darkness Down:

I've chosen a selection of songs that construct a soundtrack based on the action and characters in the novel. The compilation consists mostly of punk rock songs. This is fitting for several reasons. The first draft of Drag the Darkness Down was written quickly, in a short burst, much like a two-minute punk song. Also, the novel contains an underlying theme of spirited rebellion. Several of the non-punk songs deal more specifically with the psychological health of the characters. This is important in that the way the world is perceived through the narrator's unique mental filter shapes the story and influences the readers' interpretation of events.

1. Electric Frankenstein – "Superstar"

Blakey Flake is a forty-nine year old chain-smoking revolutionary private investigator. I don't think he's familiar with Electric Frankenstein, but I think if he heard this song, he'd love them.

"I'm a superstar philosopher / For the great unwashed / With a new voice calling / For sonic integrity / When tomorrow's not today / Come be a disciple of sound / Where beauty meets beast / In the electric dark / Sound over image, risk over fashion / Still ain't got no satisfaction / Gotta wake up this generation / Stay on target to liberation."

2. Elvis Costello – "Watching the Detectives"

Drag the Darkness Down is a detective story of sorts.

"I get so angry when the teardrops start / But he can't be wounded cause he's got no heart."

3. Social Distortion – "Prison Bound"

The narrator, Odom Shiloh, lies to a police officer, and tells him that he got the suspicious dent on his car at a Social Distortion concert in Dallas. He wouldn't dare tell the truth. He doesn't want to go to prison.

4. Lucinda Williams – "Blue"

The narrator has a very melancholic sister, a poetic soul, perhaps. Her name is Birdshit. This song is for her.

"Go find a jukebox and see what a quarter will do / I don't wanna talk, I just wanna go back to blue / Feeds me when I'm hungry and quenches my thirst / Loves me when I'm lonely and thinks of me first."

"We don't talk about heaven and we don't talk about hell / We come to depend on one another so damn well / So go to confession whatever gets you through / You can count your blessings and I'll just count on blue."

5. Amy LaVere – "Nightingale"

Jim Ruland told me that he thought a character in DTDD resembled Amy LaVere. I can see how he would think that – even though I did not consciously write it this way - since this minor character he's referring to, Amber, plays a stand up bass and sings. "Nightingale" is my favorite LaVere song.

6. Misfits – "Skulls"

There's a scene in DTDD when the narrator stumbles into a show at a downtown venue. The band is a local hardcore punk cover band, and I imagine this would be a song they'd play. What eighteen year old doesn't like screaming, "I want your skull / I need your skull."

7. Judas Priest – "Beyond the Realms of Death"

This song is a pioneer of the heavy metal melancholy ballads that flourished in the 1980s.

"He'd found a place in his mind and slammed the door / Yeah! I've left the world behind / I'm safe here in my mind / Free to speak with my own kind / This is my life, this is my life. I'll decide not you."

I love how the solo comes in about half a beat before you're expecting it. It's vintage old-school hard rock soloing, before the onslaught of silly high-speed note tapping solos that proliferated in the mid-late 80s. The solo is controlled, loud, and powerful.

8. Black Flag – "Nervous Breakdown"

The reason for this choice is clear. The narrator is probably suffering from some kind of mental collapse.

The first time I heard this song, when I was ten, I knew that I would be cursed for the rest of my life with trying to destroy the world with one hand while trying to save it with the other.

9. The Vandals – "Legend of Pat Brown"

This is a fun song about a crazy guy with a shotgun. Every good story has one of these characters, DTDD is no different.

10. Bonnie "Prince" Billy – "I See A Darkness"

I thank Kevin for this recommendation - the perfect final song.

"Oh no, I see a darkness / And did you know how much I love you / Is a hope that somehow you / Can save me from this darkness."

Matt Baker and Drag the Darkness Down links:

Oxford American review
Ozarks Unbound review

Fictionaut Blog interview with the author
Memphis Flyer profile of the author
Oxford American interview with the author
Writers in Profile interview with the author

also at Largehearted Boy:

other Book Notes submissions (authors create playlists for their book)

online "best of 2009" book lists

Note Books (musicians discuss literature)
Atomic Comics Preview (weekly comics & graphic novel highlights)
guest book reviews
musician/author interviews
52 Books, 52 Weeks

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/92CZ_PEVY30/craig-james-has-picked-an-excellent-time-to-get-into-politics

James, the ESPN analyst who has not yet pissed off the entire state of Texas, is apparently eyeing Kay Bailey Hutchison's seat in the Senate. Don't laugh. The man has plenty of experience appealing to the largess of wealthy donors.

James tells WFAA-TV:

"I'm a Texan. I'm concerned for our country," he said. "I disagree with the approach that we're having, things that are taking place, and so whatever door opens up, I'll look at it, if and when it opens up."

James, you might guess, is a Republican, and he says he would run on a platform of — and I quote — "Why does the government have to be involved in everything we do?" (Now there's a campaign slogan.) WFAA says he's "concerned about government intervention in business and health care." Also, if I read him right, he's calling for a bloody and protracted national uprising:

"I think Americans today, if you placed us back in 1765, it would be the same scenario," James said. "We've got the American revolution taking place again."

Treason! Someone lock this guy in a shed.

Craig James eyeing politics, not ruling out U.S. Senate run [WFAA]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/Vso47T6jc8Y/childress-son-arrested-for-dui

No Minnesota Vikings season is ever complete with a good DUI arrest. And a week before the team is hosts their divisional round playoff game, Chilly's son went and pulled a Tommy Kramer:

Minnesota Vikings coach Brad Childress' son Aaron Kyle Childress was charged with second-degree driving while intoxicated early Saturday morning in St. Paul, Minn.

Kyle Childress, 24, was booked into Ramsey County Jail in St. Paul and later released on bond.

It is the second DWI arrest for Childress. He pleaded guilty to misdemeanor DWI after a Feb. 8 arrest last year.

Second-degree DWI is a gross misdemeanor in Minnesota, punishable by up to one year of jail and a $3,000 fine.

I expect nothing less from an Andy Reid protogee. No word on if Childress makes his kid wear ugly sweaters when the holiday come around.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/3ocV-c3m2iE/usf-figuratively-punches-jim-leavitt-in-the-face

FanHouse reports that South Florida has fired slappy Jim Leavitt, the coach who allegedly grabbed a walk-on by the throat and hit him twice in the face. Somehow, this will be blamed on Adam James, too. [FanHouse]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/CN8ms37eeAI/last-nights-winner-joyless-robot-prigs

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Nick Saban, recipient of history's unhappiest Gatorade bath, a coach who won a national championship but would probably fail a Turing test.

Actual headline on a Birmingham TV station's blog: "Nick Saban enjoys Gatorade bath." It's always a shock to find a sliver of identifiable humanity in so unexpected an source, so I suppose "Nick Saban enjoy Gatorade bath" is up there in news value with "Elephant paints self-portrait" or "Computer becomes self-aware." But this certainly doesn't look like enjoyment:

And this certainly doesn't sound like enjoyment:

"I'm a lot happier with the bath than I would have been if I didn't get one," Saban said. "It's part of it, and I was happy to see the players be so happy and excited. I think they always enjoy dumping on the coach."

Saban did say he wished they would do water instead of Gatorade.

"I wish they'd do the water," Saban said. "The Gatorade is awful sticky."

So this makes it back-to-back national championships for the joyless, frowny, very very serious Football Coaching Inc. set. Good for them. Congrats to Alabama and its players, congrats to its fans, congrats to whoever programmed Nick Saban, and congrats especially to the other, as-yet-unnamed football team with which Nick Saban commences his inevitable flirtation next month.

Nick Saban enjoys Gatorade bath [WBRC-TV]
Winning Championship, Alabama Returns to Top [New York Times]

http://idolator.com/5353362/the-morning-mix-every-last-musician-on-earth-rubs-their-relationship-in-your-face

http://idolator.com/?p=5353362

Mornin’ folks, it’s another bright, beautiful day in the world of music. Let’s mix it up!

Did You Hear?
:: Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood are not only back together, they’re engaged. As far as their honeymoon is concerned, we’ve got two words for you: bloody sex. [People]

:: Billy Corgan is starting his own record label, but is sadly unlikely to sign his purported, earwax-free girlfriend Jessica Simpson. [Spinner]

:: Rihanna’s Mexican vacation with new man-of-the-moment Matt Kemp continues, this time on a boat, on a boat, on a m-f’ing boat. [Celebuzz]

:: Spin unleashes its list of the Five Most Metal Movie Characters. Finally, a list without Harry Potter or those damn Twilight kids. [Spin]

:: In even more relationship news, Keyshia Cole is engaged to basketball star Daniel “Boobie” Gibson, and they are expecting their first child together. She decided to marry him after learning that he respected his mother enough to keep the nickname she gave him. [Concrete Loop]

Behind the jump: Nick Jonas is literally taking over our TVs.

Music On TV Tonight:
:: Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC) – Colbie Caillat
:: Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (NBC) – Nick Jonas & The Administration
:: The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien (NBC) – OK Go
:: Last Call with Carson Daly (NBC) – Metric

Music Tomorrow Morning:
:: The View (ABC) – Nick Jonas co-hosts

VIDEO REWIND OF THE DAY: In anticipation of American Idol kicking off its ninth season next week, let’s take a look at the very first Idol winner’s very first post-show music video, Kelly Clarkson’s “A Moment Like This.” Not exactly the most riveting music video, but the tune is certainly the most memorable victory song bestowed forced upon an Idol winner.

Have a great day, everybody!

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/largeheartedboy/~3/3P_7besT50U/shorties_new_bl.html

The London Evening Standard points out the new Blur documentary, No Distance Left to Run.

Watch the film's trailer.

Podularity interviews Hilary Mantel, author of the Booker prize-wining novel Wolf Hall.

Variety profiles Karen O of Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

At the Powell's blog, Amy Greene explains how the folk tales of Appalachia inspired her amazing novel, Bloodroot.

I began writing Bloodroot to tell the stories of the characters I had created, people whose lives I wanted to learn more about. But as I did so, I found myself focusing as well on the tradition of superstition and folk belief I grew up with, which seems to have been preserved by the isolating mountains, dating all the way back to the 1700s when the first settlers came over from Scotland and Ireland, bringing their mysticism across the ocean.

Fine Books & Collections examines the state of Jack Kerouac's literary estate. (via)

Metro.co.uk lists 10 bands to watch out for in 2010.

The Two Gentleman of Lebowski (what if Shakespeare had written The Big Lebowski).

Billy Corgan is starting his own record label.

HTMLGIANT lists reasons you should not date a writer (if you are a writer).

Spinner reports that Alanis Morissette is working on a book inspired by Jack Kerouac.

The Journal of Cultural Conversation interviews author Masha Hamilton about The Afghan Women's Writing Project, a project she founded.

100 Scope Notes interviews a member of the 2009 Caldecott committee about the workings behind the children's literary award.

The members of Quasi make a mix tape for Magnet.

The A.V. Club interviews author Jeff VanderMeer.

AVC: Some authors say they can’t listen to music while writing, but you go so far as to include extensive playlists in your books. Finch’s, for example, is five pages long. Where did your relationship with writing and music come from?

JV: I see music as an aid. It overcomes my internal editor, especially when the music evokes the character or the mood I’m trying to build. I listened to some of the hardest-sounding Afghan Whigs stuff from some of the scenes from Finch, but at the same time, I listened to the soundtrack to the film Ulysses’ Gaze, which is beautiful and mournful. The music I listen to while writing is really scene-specific. It’s just a great motivator, a way to put myself in the mood.

Isak points out that recent Largehearted Boy interviewee Alicia Jo Rabins (interviewed by both Sana Krasikov and Diana Spechler) has two new poems in the current issue of Ploughshares.

Library Journal lists 24 graphic novels for African American History Month.

Pop Tarts Suck Toasted lists 10 New York bands to watch in 2010.

The Guardian Books Blog examines the effects of reading to your romantic relationship.

Which leads one to wonder about the place of reading in our most intimate relationships. What difference does it make in a relationship if both partners are notorious readers, or if one partner reads voraciously while the other has no interest in literature? Does "must love books" represent a categorical imperative, an optional extra or a quality of no consequence in a book lover's search for an ideal partner?

on sale at Amazon MP3: Radiohead's 11-track Kid A album for $1.99.

In the Guardian, Tom Ewing notes the return of the single and what that means for the music industry.

If the BPI's projections are right, singles sales will have topped 150m in 2009 – the most ever, up 400% in five years, and above albums for the first time in decades. Of course, there's no real cross-time comparison you can make: these days, any individual track counts as a "single" and they cost as little as 29p. Still, the singles boom is an inconvenient anomaly in current narratives of "what's happening to music". If you think recorded music is in terminal decline and should simply be a giveaway to support touring, you have to face the fact that millions seem happy to pay for it. But if you believe that recorded music is inherently valuable and its health has been sapped by piracy, you have to come to terms with the fact that the real value your paying audience attaches to a song is the same as a bag of crisps.

The Stylus Decade has listed its top 20 singles of the decade.

The best of the decade (2000-2009) online music lists will be updated Sunday.

The Guardian's Environment Blog examines how the movie adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's novel The Road works as an ecology film.

The Free Music Archive now offers 15,104 free and legal mp3s to download or stream, including recently added sessions by Franklin Bruno, Portastatic, and many more.

My "best of 2009" lists:

favorite albums of 2009
favorite novels of 2009
favorite nonfiction of 2009
favorite short story collections of 2009
favorite graphic novels of 2009
favorite music of 2009 (at Urban Outfitters)

Follow me on Twitter for links that don't make the daily "Shorties" columns.

also at Largehearted Boy:

online "best of 2009" book lists
online "best of 2009" music lists
Online Best of the Decade (2000-2009) Book Lists
best of the decade (2000-2009) online music lists

daily mp3 downloads
Try It Before You Buy It (mp3s and full album streams from this week's CD releases)

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/largeheartedboy/~3/HUbYi6Dg2dQ/daily_downloads_2157.html

Today's free and legal mp3 downloads:

Cortney Tidwell: "17 Horses" [mp3]* from Boys (out January 19th)
other Cortney Tidwell posts at Largehearted Boy

Elephantom: free and legal Swim. Toward the Sun album [mp3]
other Elephantom posts at Largehearted Boy

Follow the Train: "Movin" [mp3]* from Mercury (out March 16th)
other Follow the Train posts at Largehearted Boy

Ghost of Summer Suns: "Gifted" [mp3] from Ghost of Summer Suns
other Ghost of Summer Suns posts at Largehearted Boy

The Ravenna Colt: "South of Ohio" [mp3]* from Slight Spell (out February 16th)
other Ravenna Colt posts at Largehearted Boy

Steve Goldberg and the Arch Enemies: free and legal (pay what you want) Labrynths EP [mp3]
other Steve Goldberg posts at Largehearted Boy

Various Artists: free and legal Asthmatic Kitty 2009 sampler album [mp3] (zipped folder)

White Hills: "Dead" [mp3] from White Hills (out February 23rd)
other White Hills posts at Largehearted Boy

White Hinterland: "Icarus" [mp3] from Kairos (out March 9th)
other White Hinterland posts at Largehearted Boy

*registration required

Free and legal mp3s of live performances at other websites:

Yoni Wolf: Daytrotter session [mp3]
other Yoni Wolf posts at Largehearted Boy

also at Largehearted Boy:

previous free and legal mp3 daily downloads
2009 Bonnaroo downloads
other music festival downloads

online "best of 2009" book lists
online "best of 2009" music lists
best of the decade (2000-2009) online music lists
best of the decade (2000-2009) online book lists

Try It Before You Buy It (mp3s and album streams from weekly CD releases)
weekly CD and DVD release lists

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/E5o5OenVpoo/lets-cleanse-the-palate-with-some-real-football-+-or-at-least-kickers

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•Matt Stover will retain Colts kicking duties into the playoffs, making it possible for Adam Vinatieri to win a Super Bowl ring by sitting on the bench for 60 minutes. As opposed to every other kicker, who can win a ring by sitting on the bench for 59:30.

•The Hall of Fame is still deciding whether Andre Dawson will have a Cubs or Expos cap on his plaque. I was about to say the Expos could use something, anything to get excited about; but then, so could the Cubs.

•Plaxico Burress's request for a work release was turned down, meaning he'll spend at least another six months in prison. That would spring him in July...do the Eagles count as a work-release program?

•A newspaper report has Aroldis Chapman headed to either the Angels or Blue Jays. Considering it's a Toronto newspaper, bet on him picking the Angels.

•For those of you who are sick of Nick Saban's creepy unsmiling face, take some pleasure in seeing him get nailed in the face with the Gatorade jug.

•••••

Now that Bowl season is over, NFL playoff season can officially begin. What wacky things will Rex Ryan say today? We wait with baited breath.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/3UAflrg-YKY/presenting-the-absolute-worst-hall-of-fame-voter-update

In all the foofaraw over the HOF elections, one voter stands above the rest in terms of sheer ineptitude and self-promotion. Let's ridicule them! But first, the runners up:

Second runner-up: Jay Mariotti

Jay turned in a blank ballot this year, which is certainly his prerogative. But let's look at his reasoning:

I didn't vote for anybody in the baseball hall of fame this year. Ya know why? To me…the first ballot is sacred. I think Roberto Alomar is an eventual Hall of Famer, not the first time. Edgar Martinez, designated hitter, eventually, but not the first time. Same goes for maybe Fred McGriff. As far as Blyleven and Dawson…if they haven't gotten in for years and years I cannot vote them in now."

Forget that hooey about first-time induction being special. It's stupid reasoning, but Mariotti's not alone. Let's instead look at his bizarre statement that if someone hasn't been elected yet, they're not good enough and aren't deserving of a vote. This is also acceptable, if it's a principled stand. Yet Mariotti voted for Jim Rice last year, on his 15th try. Want to know who else he found deserving last year? Andre Dawson and Bert Blyleven.

First runner-up: Lisa Olson

Olson also turned in a blank ballot, as she has every year since she's become eligible. I can only assume it's some kind of protest, though ineffective at anything except getting everyone all riled up. There's the slim chance that she's protesting the hypocrisy of letting journalists contribute to what amounts to PR for the sport they cover, and because of that, she doesn't get the top spot.

(Update: We received this note from Olson:

Regarding the Hall of Fame ballot: I don't participate because I believe journalists shouldn't be voting on people they cover. As someone else noted, it's akin to having journalists who cover the pentagon vote on who should receive the purple star. Who knows, maybe someday my mind-set will change, but that is how I feel now. And not participating is much different than sending in a blank ballot. My decision to not participate has zero impact on the outcome.

(So direct your venom elsewhere; namely, the voters above and below her.)

Winner: Bill Conlin

Oh Bill. Usually it's the cranky old men who take this thing seriously. But then we read this:

I voted for Tim Raines his first year of eligibility. But when he failed to get 25 percent of the vote, he was moved to the back burner. Sorry, that's just the way it has to be. Maybe more eligible ballwriters should have measured the Rock's career numbers in all phases against those of analog basestealer and first-ballot inductee Lou Brock. Try it, you'll be amazed.

Good news for Raines, however. Yesterday, in one of the most bizarre elections in a bizarre process, he collected 30 percent and is now back on my radar.

You catch that? Conlin voted for Raines in 2008, but then noticed that very few of his colleagues did. Then he left Raines off his next two ballots, simply because he didn't want to be on the wrong side of the consensus. But wait! Raines' totals went up this year, so Conlin will be sure to vote for him again in 2011!

That's just the worst sort of person. "Being on the right side of history" applies for things like gay marriage, not the hall of fame. No one remembers or cares who voted for whom. If you think the guy deserves to be in, vote for him.

Instead, Bill Conlin wants to be able to tell his grandchildren that he only voted for true hall of famers, and no one else. If that's the case, let's just scrap the whole BBWAA system and let Conlin unilaterally decide who makes it.

Take Hall vote away from "principled" Mariotti [Hardball Cooperative]
MLB Hall of Fame Voting-The Blank Ballot Bandits [The CMSB]
Dawson no surprise for Hall of Fame selection, but other choices raise eyebrows [Philly Daily News]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/2X7dWJUUMBQ/

Trick plays, failed trick plays, and a freshman QB thrust into the spotlight. Let's take a look at the storylines and screengrabs of the night.

It could have been one of the greatest sports stories ever. Star QB goes down, and untested freshmen steps in to lead his team to glory. Except the Matt Saracen role for Texas was played by...

Garrett Gilbert, the gawky 18-year-old. Should I be the one to say it? That instead of running up the score, Mack Brown should've gotten his backup QB some reps this year?

Alabama had a little secret on their sidelines. (Thanks to reader Patrick)

Balloon penis hat? Balloon penis hat. (Thanks to reader Ryan)

Actual quote: "A Cole Porter classic originally recorded in the Blues style. Now here's the Bette Midler version..."

In perhaps the game's most exciting moment, noted rudo El Guapo Oro made an unscheduled appearance on the field.

Greg McElroy went prospecting for gold. He would end up with a crystal egg. (Thanks to reader Matt)

At first Gilbert looked like this.

Then his voice dropped two octaves, his balls dropped two feet, and he threw two TDs to bring it back within three.

The comeback visibly excited an unknown Texas coach. (Thanks to reader Derek)

But a key fumble ended all hopes of a Disney move based on Garrett Gilbert. He also threw four INTs.

Mark Ingram finished that sucker off, rushing for 116 yards and 2 scores — and the game's offensive MVP award. That's what a Heisman winner should do.

And that was that. Would the game have played out different with Colt McCoy in there? Sure. But let's not forget that the Texas defense, which supposedly carried the load, gave up 37 points. Congrats to Alabama. Now bring on Boise State?

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/eSGTAc3iG6s/the-rich-gannon-hissy-fit-gets-hissier

Gannon The Cannon offers the Raiders his help. Team responds by opining that he's the one who needs help. Now, now, children. You're both right. (Ed note: We will always use this photo for Gannon posts.) [Oakland Tribune]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/B5a-iwu4LbA/this-is-also-outstanding

DJ Steve Porter, creative genius behind "Press Hop," is back with "You Play To Win The Game," featuring the greatest hits of Herm Edwards, Denny Green and others, plus an autotuned Bill Parcells.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/01Djde7HaLw/robbie-alomar-can-only-think-of-one-reason-hes-not-in-the-hall-yet

"His first phone call was to umpire John Hirschbeck, to reassure him there was no hard feelings over the spitting incident and he in no way felt Hirschbeck was responsible." Yeah, no shit the spittee's not responsible. [Stalking Steve Phillips]

• 00:43 Football mania in Pasadena? #

http://idolator.com/5353112/simon-cowell-continues-teasing-the-possibility-of-leaving-idol

http://idolator.com/?p=5353112

It feels like just yesterday we were discovering Glambert for the very first time, and yet here we are, 120 hours away from a brand-new season of American Idol. The only judges people give a damn about (sorry Randy and Kara), Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres, sat down with Entertainment Weekly to dish about Idol’s ninth season. And surely, Simon did everything possible to dampen speculation about his impending exit, right? Right?

Ellen kicks off the Q&A by stepping immediately into a very Abdulic “kind judge” persona, suggesting that she may begin her Idol tenure with a light touch. But the jolly daytime queen insists that her tolerance is not limitless. “If someone’s a real jerk, I’m not going to expose them,” Ellen tells EW. But: “I may change my mind if they really are a jerk.“

Cowell continues: “They’re very media savvy, these contestants.  You never really get to know much about them because they’re aware of themselves and they’re always nice to you.  It’s only afterwards that it all changes.”

(Wonder who he’s referring to—is it Gokey? It’s Gokey, isn’t it?)

EW asks Ellen how she feels about possibly continuing Idol without Cowell, who continues to smirk his way through every discussion about whether he’ll stay on after his contract expires next year. Simon predictably plays coy when it comes to honestly discussing whether he’ll stick around or pull the golden ripcord and bolt Idol to work on a U.S. version of his British TV talent competition/mint, The X Factor:

DeGeneres: If Simon goes, I go!

Cowell: [Laughs] Oh, Ellen!

DeGeneres: I will not be there without Simon.

Cowell: That’s quite a tricky situation you’ve put me into! I think right now we have to concentrate on the next season and just get through that and worry about everything else afterwards.

Doesn’t exactly suggest he’s going to stay, does it? But we wouldn’t read too much into it just yet. Incidentally, Fox may be preparing for the post-Simon era (or else, trying to put the screws to Cowell) by tweaking the show’s production style. According to Popeater’s Naughty But Nice blog, sources reveal that the show will place an even brighter spotlight on the contestants than usual in a bid to minimize Cowell’s star power (and good luck with that):

“Expect to see less and less of Simon this season. The focus is going to be back on the contestants and less on Simon’s harsh criticisms of them,” an insider tells me. “They also will be spending more time focusing on Ellen once she gets through her first few weeks live from Hollywood.”

That’s a lot of pressure to put on a new judge, and the hype surrounding Kara this same time last year quickly curdled into full-fledged hate once the show began. But somehow we think history won’t repeat itself with Ellen — she’s already a trusted brand herself, and the chances of her embarrassing herself in a bikini at the season finale is about a bajillion to one.

Read Simon and Ellen’s entire interview in Entertainment Weekly, on newsstands tomorrow.

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/zihj37PCuPc/patriots-workers-stopped-in-immigration-sting

Gillette Stadium hired dozens of workers to shovel snow from the field, and apparently had them sent in from Guatemala, by way of Rhode Island.

In advance of Sunday's playoff game, New England had a ton of snow to clear. So they contracted a Rhode Island firm, who sent up their best and brightest. Those workers were pulled over yesterday on their way to Foxborough by an Immigrations and Customs Enforcement team, looking for illegal immigrants.

Nine men from Guatemala were arrested and are facing deportation, and seven are still being held at Bristol County jail.

Another 49 people, most of whom are believed to be from Guatemala, were questioned and released on orders to report to ICE in the future to determine if they are here legally.

The first question that comes to mind here is obviously: how did they fit 65 people in the bed of one pickup truck?

Robert Kraft says this whole thing is news to him, and it's the responsibility of the outside vendor to vet its workers, instead of just rounding them up in a Home Depot parking lot. But come to think of it, that Tom Brady fella started the year in Costa Rica. Maybe the NFL should check out his papers.

Immigrants in Foxborough stop were headed to shovel snow for Patriots game [Boston Globe]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/GCvc9e0AMuI/enjoy-your-imaginary-championship-game-texas-and-alabama

You can use this post as an open thread for tonight's Alabama-Texas game, which means it's the perfect place for trash talk, yelling at people on TV, or composing angry rants against the BCS. Here...let me help you with that!

It's been said a million times before, but since this may be the last chance to do so for awhile I'll go ahead and say it again: The BCS is a joke and their finger-in-the-ears PR campaign to convince people that it's simply not possible to devise a better system so we shouldn't even try is infuriating. They actually proffered up a serious argument today that says if teams were "forced" to play in a playoff as opposed to a bowl game, then the players would miss the opportunity to car pool to the bowl sites, claim multiple mileage reimbursements for a trip that they shared, and then pocket the difference. I'm paralyzed under of the weight of the integrity.

None of the BCS's defenses hold up to any rational analysis. I don't care what Chris Peterson or Gary Patterson say—their teams got screwed. But it's not even about them. It's about a sport that doesn't feel it is necessary for its champion to take on all comers. A league that actively discourages competition between its members. Can you imagine? Play fewer games! Don't challenge yourself against the best you can! Never create an occasion to which you might have to rise. If that's your attitude, then why even bother to keep score?

Alabama is the best team in college football and I will be shocked if they lose tonight—and yes, I will still watch the game and (hopefully) enjoy it—but a sport that allows nearly a third of its teams to finish the season with a meaningless exhibition win is not much of a sport at all. It's anti-sport. The stubbornness of the universities and businessmen that hold the purse strings is an affront to the "amateur" athletes they swear they're protecting. They can all go suck an orange bowl.

* * * * *

And on that note ... have fun everybody! Again, this is your open thread, but Barry P. will be here later to explain any of Brent Musburger's down home expressionism should his meaning elude you.

Too bad about #Conan, huh?

http://idolator.com/5352552/trina-is-all-about-the-cash-and-censored-lyrics-in-thats-my-attitude

http://idolator.com/?p=5352552

Following the leaks of “Million Dollar Girl” and Lady Gaga duet “Let Them Hoes Fight” earlier this week, another Trina offering has surfaced in the form of the video for “That’s My Attitude.” And apparently the recession hasn’t affected the naughty-tongued rapper one bit. (Well, save for the fact that the clip looks like it was shot on a budget.)

“Money over everything, I’m all about my change/ I’m still rich, still the baddest bitch in the game,” Trina assures us while gyrating and flashing her bling to the camera. Catch the “That’s My Attitude” music video below.

Trina, who once lent her talents to a remix of Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable,” even slaps in some shots of her and her crew walking through what looks to be a few of the steps from the “Single Ladies” video. (Though they look like they had about 14 minutes max to rehearse.)

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/ys85kafY_WY/

The Oakland Raiders were once a proud, victorious franchise, but despite zero ownership changes in over 30 years they become an organization synonymous with "ineptitude." The 2009 campaign didn't reverse this spectacular descent.

The team is overrun with pathetic draft picks, rage-filled losing coaches and a violent crazed fan base, but all roads lead to senile octogenarian who set the tone and call the shots. His Commitment to Excellence in Insanity has made the last year difficult, but highly entertaining. Let's remember when.

ESPN football reporter Chris Mortensen responds to accusations that he made no attempt to contact the Raiders organization before reporting that the team was available for sale, by saying that "the Raiders have lost the privilege with me of running stories past them for comment," because he claims they would have simply denied it anyway. Mortensen later apologized and the Raiders were not sold.
Three days after the Super Bowl, Tom Cable—who was 4-8 as interim head coach in 2008—is named the full-time Oakland head coach.
Raider owner Al Davis pens a letter to the University of Tennessee explaining that their new head coach (and former Davis employee) Lane Kiffin "broke NFL Rules," lied to the media and his team, gave insider information about Oakland to its opponents, stole an Oakland assistant to work for him at UT, and conducted an ongoing "personal agenda" to "damage the Raiders."
Offensive lineman Cornell Green is arrested in Florida after allegedly beating the mother of his two children with an aluminum mop handle. Green starts 12 games in 2009.
With the 7th pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Raiders select Maryland wide receiver Darius Heyward-Bey. Despite being chosen well ahead of more highly regarded receiver prospects like Michael Crabtree, Jeremy Maclin, and Percy Harvin, Heyward-Bey is offered a five-year contract with a guaranteed salary of $23.5 million, far surpassing the typical wage for previous 7th round picks, leading to protracted holdouts for No. 6 pick Andre Smith and No. 10 pick Crabtree, who both demand contracts relative to his deal. In 11 starts during his rookie year, Heyward-Bey collects just 9 catches for 124 yards, before being benched for the last five games of the season. [AP]
August 5: Assistant coach Randy Hanson is taken to the hospital after breaking his jaw during a team meeting. Conflicting reports indicate that Hanson was hurt by head coach Tom Cable, when he knocked Hanson out of a chair during a heated argument in which he threatened to kill Hanson. During the investigation, Hanson is put on paid leave and does not coach again. (He later returns to the team in an administrative office position.) Cable does not receive a fine or suspension by the team or the NFL. In October, the Napa District Attorney rules that the injury was the result of an accident and declines to press charges. [AP]
Week 1: Just beofre the season begins, the Raiders trade their 2011 first-round draft pick for veteran defensive end Richard Seymour. Seymour initially refuses to report to the Raiders but changes his mind when the team threatens to suspended him for the season without pay. He plays in the season opener at home, as the Raiders squander two fourth quarter leads to the San Diego Chargers and lose 24-20.
Sept. 27: The Raiders try, unsuccessfully, to have CBS football analyst Rich Gannon removed from the broadcast team for their game. Team officials were upset that Gannon described the organization as "dysfunctional." The Raiders accuse Gannon of not being able to "get over the fact that he played the worst Super Bowl game in the history of the game and he wants to blame everybody but himself. I guess it's our fault he threw five interceptions." Gannon played that game as quarterback of the Raiders.
Week 4: The Raiders are blown out at Houston, 29-6, to the delight of their visiting fans.
Week 6: Aided by a special teams pigeon (that some believe to be the ghost of former Raider Marquis Cooper), Oakland upsets the Philadelphia Eagles, 13-9. A week later, they suffer their worst lost of the season, a 38-0 shutout against the New York Jets.
Less than two weeks after being cleared of wrongdoing in the Randy Hanson incident, ESPN airs interviews with Tom Cable's ex-wife and ex-girlfriend, in which both accuse him of being physically abusive during their relationships. [Getty]
Week 11: After throwing for 64 yards the previous week in a 16-10 loss to Kansas City and with only two touchdown passes in 9 games, starting quarterback JaMarcus Russell is benched. Russell was 7-18 as a starter since joining the Raiders as the No. 1 overall pick in the 2007 Draft. At that draft, Mel Kiper Jr. declared that he would be "one of the elite top five quarterbacks" in the NFL within three seasons. When asked at the end of the 2009 season, "if [he] had gotten average to above-average quarterback play this year" would the Raiders have made the playoffs, Tom Cable answered, "You know we would have." (Although Cable added that he personally did "an exceptional job" coaching the offense.) With Russell on the bench, the Raiders beat Cincinnati, 20-17.
Week 14: The Raiders lose to Washington, 34-13. Two days later the team signs QB J.P. Losman, who has spent the entire season in the four-team startup United Football League.
Week 15: The Raiders beat Denver on a JaMarcus Russell touchdown pass with 35 seconds left, but lineman Tommy Kelly still lost something. His pants.
Week 16: In one the few bright spots of the Raiders' season, Sebastian Janikowski kicks a 61-yard field goal to end the first half, but the team commits 13 penalties and sees two players ejected in a 23-9 loss to the Cleveland Browns. [AP]
Week 17: The Raiders finish the season by losing 21-13 to the playoff-bound Baltimore Ravens. Their final record is 5-11. The next day JaMarcus Russell is excused from the Raiders final team meeting for "personal reasons" but is allegedly spotted at The Palms hotel in Las Vegas. [Pic]

http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/deadspin/full/~3/IbvR1bLzmkI/mike-leach-saga-slowly-morphing-into-an-outtake-from-rio-bravo

Chris Level of RedRaiderSports.com reports that Mike Leach is filing a motion in his lawsuit against Texas Tech, and "the crowd at the courthouse is growing by the minute." [@ChrisLevel]